burkefireguy11

huh..

2008-12-10T12:03:03Z

So, first in the realm off odd...

So I get a request on face book to add a new friend. I look at the profile and I dont really recognise it, but there are 11 mutual friends all of which who play madrigal. So I am like "cool, must not recognise her without costume or make up"

Well she posted on facebook that she is recently faced with a divorce. I immidately reached out to her because while all of my friends have been supportive, they really dont understand what I am going through. So she calls me last night on my cell at work, and we talk as old friends for almost exactly an hour. Sharing our fears, concerns and supporting each other.

So, after all that is out on the table and there is a pause and I ask.

"Who do you play at madrigal? or do you NPC"

she replies

"I dont play or NPC Madrigal"

Steve: "umm End game?"
Her: "I dont play that either. I must know you from Nero"
Steve: "I dont play NERO
Her: "But I recognise you.. Maybe from one of Robs parties?"
Steve: "I have never been to one of Robs parties"
Her "But I know you.... Don't I?"
Steve "...."
Steve: "Nice to meet you lol"

Anyway, it was so nice chatting to someone who understands. And I am still glad we have become friends. It is just funny to me we talked so long and bonded.

Cause I am sick :p

2008-12-08T10:31:18Z

Christmas carols for the Disturned.

1. Schizophrenia: Do you hear what I hear?
2. Multiple Personallity Disorder: We three kings of dioriented are..
3. Dementia: I think I will be home for christmas
4: Narcissistic: Hark the herald angels sing about me..
5: Manic: Deck the halls & walls & house & lawn & Streets & stores & office & town & cars & trees...
6. Paranoid: Santa Clause is coming town to get me!
7. Border line personality Disorder: Thoughts of roasting on an open fire.
8. Peronality disorder: You better watch out, Im gonna cry, Im gonna pout. Maybe I'll tell you why..
9. Attention deficit - Silent night, holy night, OOH look at the froggy, Can I have chocolate? Why is France so far away?
10. Obsessive Compulsive: Jungle bells, jingle bells, jingle bells, jingle bells, jingle bells, jingle bells, jingle bells,jingle bells, jingle bells, jingle bells,jingle bells, jingle bells, jingle bells,jingle bells, jingle bells, jingle bells

hell week is upon me..

2008-12-05T18:35:19Z

So I am working some crazy hours. over the next two weeks I am going to work 212 hours. Which honestly is not that big of a deal. I have no where else to be and nothing else to do, so whatever.

I was up in Lowell Mass for a few days. It was a good time. My questions were answered with more questions, but I am happy for now. And I came home with some good quotes.

"I will pull over and fight with your GPS!"
"This is Massachusettes. We invented culture"
"Beautiful downtown Lowell.."
"Thats it.. I am off to the battered mens clinic." :p
"Wow.. maybe drunken parkour was a poor plan.."
"Duncan donuts has better coffee! thier commericals say so"
"Really?... Really?"

I have a good memory associated to each.

And now I am gonna go think on things for a little while..

snap

2008-11-26T12:58:23Z

So the stress in my life has been building to a near comical level. Between the redesign at work, my lack of any semblance of a family for the holidays, and the bright spot in my life being 8 hours away I am treading water a little bit. Add in the fact that I ran my first suicide of the "suicide season" last night (I understand that feeling of helplessness.. but shooting yourself in the basement when your kids are upstairs? fuck you lady) and people getting themselves worked up over stupid shit (I am sorry if my bad grammar or spelling offended you..) leaves me a little high strung.

Oh yah, and my fire department physical is today. It is pretty involved deal with hours of tests which is a pain, plus every year for the last eight years I have been told my lung capacity is not good enough to be a fireman, and I should be on desk duty. Every year I fight it and win. And they always seemed worried enough to try to pull me from the field, yet not worried enough to try to fix the problem..

Last night I was watching one of my favorite at work shows. (Family guy) The whole shift was sitting around laughing and carrying on. Then a scene came up where a girl deposited a baby into a dumptser and the baby comes out and sings or something. It wasnt the first time I had seen that, but having pulled a new born out of a trash truck it caused a little something to snap. I got up and went out and sat alone on the back step of the fire truck.

I am not an "alone time" kinda person. I love being around people.. but last night I kinda became.. angry. I was angry at people for for hurting each other. Angry at people for being so stubborn and unwilling to comprimise. Angry at people for wanting to kill our next president for the color of his skin. Angry at people for hating gays. Angry at people for feeling like they can use me like a door mat, because they know I will try to make things right. Angry at people for using me. Just all the little things began to make me angry.

Even right now I am fuming. My fists are clenched when I am not typing, and I dont know how to fix this. So, I guess I should warn you... if you want to talk thats cool, but approach with caution because I am fired up right now. And I dont remember being this angry at the world in a long long time.

urgle.

2008-11-25T10:13:01Z

Played hockey last night way to late. I had three goals in a 7-3 win, yet I am kinda upset that I had more missed oppertunities then I can count. My Xbox (which I rarely play) crapped out on me last night as I was going to play gears of war two for the first time. (bitter) and right now I think I would commit a minor crime for the prospect of more sleep... :p

But I get to go see meg in five days!!!!!

Lessons learned from stupid people steve sees at work..

2008-11-19T19:48:40Z

Ok, I have a favor to ask any who might be considering this...

If you are thinking about driving your car..

Please do not drive it at 110 mph.

and if you MUST drive that fast...

Please do bot flip your car on route 28

and if you MUST flip your car

PLEASE where your seatbelt.

and if you dont wear your seatbelt

PLEASE avoid the guardrail.. it will split a preson right in half just below the arm pit. (sadly... I REALLY wish I could say this was the first time I had seen that)

And if you MUST split yourself in half on the guardrail..

PLEASE have the common curtesy not to do it at 3am on a REALLY cold night.

Thank you.

A little shaken..

2008-11-17T13:02:15Z

So last night started as what was a somewhat typical night for me at work. I spoke to my amazing girlfriend for a while, we said our good byes and I crawled into my bunk.. Not long afterward we got a call for a "basic life support emergency" with no other details other then, someone called the front desk of this hotel and asked 911 be called. (We had no idea if someone was actively dying in their room, or if they stubbed their toe, just that they wanted 911 called)

So we show up to find out that there was a domestic dispute going on. A girl and her boyfriend had gotten into an argument and she wanted to leave him. (she had scrapes on her arms that clearly came from a physcial alterication although when we asked she of course said "I fell" and "he never touched me") so we ask what she wants from us, and she tells us that she wants to leave and wants someone there. So we call for police, call her a cab and sit with the girl to wait for one or the other to show up. And then drama to rival daytime tv unfolds infront of us while we wait. He begs her to come back and so on.. Oh and the cab beats the cop there.

To this point I am annoyed, but not shaken.

I text Meg when I get back and see if she is up so I can tell her about this sillyness. She is. So we are talking at 1am when I get another call on my cell. I dont recognise the number and ask if I can call Meg back. So I get the other line and it is my sister.

I dont speak terribly much about my sister on here. She is in a pretty rough spot in life. I can't really go into details about why she called either, except to say she dropped such a bombshell on me that I was honestly a little shaken. We ended up talking for longer then we really have in years, and I finally get off the phone with her.

At this point I would like to stop and point out that Meg stayed up and waited for me because she knew I was upset. It is now about 2am. I called her back and she talked to me for a while. So she wins like 1000 girlfriend points. (yes there is points, yes I keep score, yes she is winning :p )

But anyway, I have not been able to sleep since. Just kinda lied in bed thinking. I decied to come home and write this, mostly because I can not sleep. I guess I was hoping for some sort of theraputic release when I wrote, but not so much feeling it. Oh well.. I have been awake now for 27 straight hours, I am sure if I lie in bed sleep will come.

curious

2008-11-12T18:38:51Z

If you saw ME in a police car, what would you think I'd been arrested for?

Are you kidding?

2008-11-12T18:37:38Z

Sometimes I post work stories. Some sad, some funny. I sometimes wonder if people read them and assume I am exagerating. but here is proof.. people are that stupid..

SCHERERVILLE, Ind. – Indiana state police said that after a mother was arrested for drunken driving, the three relatives who came to pick up her 1-year-old son also had all been drinking. A state trooper stopped a minivan for speeding early Saturday on U.S. 30 in Schererville in northwestern Indiana. He arrested the 24-year-old woman on a drunken driving charges.The boy's father arrived later to pick him up, but officers determined he was intoxicated and also arrested him on a drunken driving charge.Police said the boy's grandparents then arrived. Both of them also had been drinking, state police said, but the grandmother who was driving was not over the legal limit, so officers escorted them home with the child.

But on a cool note, I actually did a lot of good yesterday. My first call of the day was for an allergic reaction. We arrived to find out patient in anaphalatic shock (her throat had closed) and I administered a few drugs (epi, benadryl, albuterol) and she reversed.

Our second patient was in 3rd degree heart block. (which will kill you pretty quick) and we caught it and got her to the propper hospital where she got a pace maker.

Later we ran a patient in a diabetic coma and I was able to reverse that too.

All in all I managed to save four lives and I feel an incredible amount of job satisfaction today.

I didnt even mind when we got called at 2am for a lady having trouble with her smoke detector. NO JOKE, she looked at me and said. "you look tired, did you just wake up?"

stuff

2008-11-10T13:52:39Z

So, first something I need to get off my chest. As everyone on here knows, I am recently out of a marraige and into a relationship. Many people have taken the time to write me and voice their concerns. i appreciate this, I really do.. However..

I am well aware of what I am getting into. I know the age difference, and I know the distance issue and I am aware of the dangers of moving to quickly. I also know that the absolute worst case senario is that I end up sad and alone, which if you think about it, is where I started.

I am really happy. Really happy to the point where I don't even notice other girls anymore. Even girls I had crushes on up until the day before I met meg (ask the yoga instructor at my gym :p )

So please, save all the negative thoughts and be happy for me. I have heard the advice offered and made my decsions. Thank you for caring enough to be worried, but as my friends I would ask that you just root for my happiness and not dwell on the long odds.

(PS I am using my laptop computer to post this since I just got a new desktop. and the spell check function is worthless so I am sorry for all spelling mistakes.)
Now that I have gotten that off my chest, I am going to take a moment to gush about my new girl friend. ;)

She is crazy smart, and has been able to challange me intellectually about politics, govenerment, religion, economics and so on. She is funny and appreciates my goofy sense of humor. And she has a sharp enough wit to keep me on my toes. She is kind, senseitive and caring. She is driven and motivated. She is out going and likes to get out and travel. She plays madrigal. She does not yet know it but she is going to join grums company (lol ok so not likely but you can't blame me for trying) And of course the ever shallow reason.. She is beautiful. And for some strange reason.. she seems to like me :p

I could go on, but I have a feeling this is already to mushy for some so I will leave it at that for now. ;)

In other news work has been a little stressful. I was called to a CPR last night. the family was working a dead woman. I stopped them and checked and she was not savable. I had to explain to them why I was not going to do CPR on their grandmother... They understood but that is still news it sucks to be the one to give..

The whole business about full moons and such things affecting people to get them to act crazy is a myth. in 8 years I have never seen it. But one thing that is true is this time of year suicides go way up. I hate running those calls. I only run the "attemtpted" cases. they dont call me for a dead body. but I ran my first one of the season last night. So I guess.. game on.

Anyway, I got the end game schedual and I can make every game and only have to take one day of leave!!! (pc's beware! mwa-ha-ha) I am eagerly awating the madrigal schedual so I can put in for leave now if I need to.

Thats all I got this morning. I am going to crawl into bed with my cat who has been demanding I do that since I started this post.

What a day..

2008-11-03T22:40:44Z

So I made my way up to Lowell Massachusettes today. My day had a fairly rough start as work allowed me only an hour and a half of sleep last night. I sat on the plane and was unconscious until we started our desent. If I had to go home right now after only a matter of hours, every part of this trip would already be worth it.

Right now she is at a meeting for school, (wearing a fire department sweatshirt :) ) and I am signing her out of every networking program we both use lol. When she gets back we are going to meet her parents and then curl up in front of the tv and watch movies. I am very excited for this.

Anyway, I am going to read up on my beloved Capitals now. I will likely get time to post more later

So excited

2008-11-02T11:07:25Z

Tomorrow morning my plane leaves to take me up to Lowell Mass by way of Logan Airport. I am heading up to meet this wonderful girl who I can not wait to see. I am so excited I can't describe it. Just thought I would share ;)

I met a girl..

2008-11-01T12:22:12Z

So madrigal was amazing for reasons I have already posted about. But there was another reason.

I came to the game with my personal life a mess. I did not think I would be able to finish the game as Ragnar because I was sort of an emotional wreck. I can honestly say that I was not at all looking for anything of this sort..

But it started with a smile, then a wink. Then there was a conversation at dinner after the game. Then we texted during my trip home, all the way to Maryland.

Every night since we have talked on the phone until all hours. Neither wanting to hang up with the other. Each sacrificing sleep for a few more minutes of company. I have never before met the person I could speak to on the phone for hours and hours and feel like mere minutes have passed. I have spent more time with her on my mind then I care to admit to.

I have been accused of "rebounding" and other such things. But those who say that don't know me. I am just not "That guy" and this is not something I went looking for, but now that I have found it I don't want to let it go.

Things in my life are still kind of scary. And change is happening. But for what it is worth, I am really happy right now. And that I thought I would share. :)

"You damn right."

2008-11-01T12:08:18Z

Copy this sentence into your LiveJournal if you're in a heterosexual marriage, and you don't want it "protected" by the bigots who think that gay marriage hurts it somehow.

(or have been or will be in a heterosexual marriage)

Amber lee..

2008-10-28T04:07:18Z

Everything on here is common knowledge so don't worry about reading on and hurting plot stuff.

So I have been playing Ragnar for a year and a half approximately.. He has had one driving goal that whole time. To find and help his sister Kaylie. (his sister was killed when he was little. and it is a big deal to him)

He carries a doll his sister used to have and whenever I go to my bone circle I take it out. (I lost it at one point and refused to refresh my healing without it until I found it)

During that time Ragnar has been searching for his sister. I began to worry that if I ever found her, the role play would be a let down because really, there was over a year build up and how could any NPC live up to that.

But Saturday night as I was sitting in the tavern. I was wet cold sick and tired. Grums company had mostly gone to bed and I was up with house becon. I was over heating in the Tavern and generally (physcially) miserable.

ok.. From here I am going to try and paint the picture story time wise cause it was that cool to me. I dont do much writing anymore so please forgive me if it sucks. :p

****

My eyes stared vacantly at the fire from across the tavern. The light dancing about throwing its glow across those who huddled near it for warmth. The air heavy with moisture seeming to crush all those under its weight. My head heavy as I was barely aware the members of house beacon who sat with me had included me into their conversation. The tavern was settling into a slumber as it seemed nothing could motivate these weary souls out into the elements.

But even as darkness washed over my eyes a unsettling noise crept into the tavern like an unwanted guest. Horrifying blue eyes peaked into the tavern. And that noise... The noise caused the tavern to erupt into a frenzy of activity as if a bee's nest had been struck. footstep thundered about as fear gripped every sole in the tavern. Amidst the confusion a voice called out.

"By my voice... EXPOSE RAGNAR"

A new fear gripped me as I cried out. No sooner then my cries escaped my lips house beacon had a line formed in front of me. The often chided group had leapt to my aide ready to lay down their lives to protect me. But through the storms of noise. Through the fear and confusion walked a spectral figure. She stood tall wearing a white cowl and blue robes. She moved through beacons lines emanating a calm that still even the most shaken hearts. Her feet made no sounds as the brought her up to me. Then she spoke. Her voice was soft and soothing. Her eyes gently locking with mine in a manor that I could not pull away from. Her words triggered emotions that the proudest of poets could not ever hope to describe..

"Hello brother"

What happened next I can not describe. completely flooded with emotion I babbled like a child. All the while she smiled softly. For years I had imagined what I would say to her if I got the chance. For years I planned that moment. and when it happened, I was speechless. We spoke for a time when my friends began to go to the darkest road. I look out torn as they went into danger. My heart was breaking as I did not want to leave her. But then she offered to come with me.

I went out onto to the road with those who dared. The rain pelted down on us as if the skies sought to punish us. The wind howled as it seemed the Gray man himself was angered with us. Our boots sunk into the mud as we trudged our way into the darkness. My sister sister hovered near by, a soft glow reassuring me as the light from the tavern faded. It truly was the darkest road for all those but me. She stayed with me like an angel. Creatures began to appear and strike at us. Their eyes glowed blue, and their claws tore into us. mud splattered as bodies fell lifeless into the soaked ground. I moved to help, and with a flash of lightning the field was illuminated and I was suddenly aware that I was very much on the front line taking the place of warriors much better suited for this then I.

The creatures tore into me. Despite my best attempts I was no match and before I knew it I was falling to the ground. A soothing touch opened my eyes, and standing above me was an Angel looking over me. I moved to protect her even though the creatures could not hurt her, I still tried to protect her. The monsters stabbed me... they broke my bones... they pierced my soul with pain. Each time she was there. She healed my wounds. She mended my bones with a touch. She eased my troubled soul. She.. saved me.

Our task was soon completed. But all I cared was I was on the field with Kaylie. I felt I could have taken on the world with her at my side. As the citizens of shadowfane returned to the tavern I was happy to walk with her in the rain. I was able to put my arms around her before she returned to the gloaming. My soul was healed and I returned to the tavern a a different man. One that was finally whole.

****

Just a little out of game note. all my incants used to be "by the will of my ancestors" I have decided to change the ones i can to "By Kaylie's grace." I think it is more fitting and I will likely try to figure out a way to cram a few more syllables in there lol

Anyway, it was amazing. I wanted to share, thanks for reading.

Madrigal

2008-10-27T18:40:07Z

So I went to madrigal unsure if I even wanted to be there. The last few games have been fun but honestly have been hard to justify the money/travel/leave and so on. I told some of my close friends that I may not be coming back after this game. However...

I had a blast.

The members of Grums company have always been good to me, they are more a family to me then I could have ever asked for. It honestly makes me sad I don't get to see more of them. (even the ones who live in Virginia/DC... insert guilt trip) lol.

Anyway, The event started as the normal fun, but not amazing. (It did not help that I was not feeling really good, it did help that I was uninjured for the first time in a while.)
There was a big battle in the beginning and I have noticed I am not completely worthless with my claws as I once felt. (thank you npcing end game)

So the game goes on into friday night and a night big battle.. lots of death. I end up at deaths gate where a night mare tells me that My sister is trapped in the gloaming and will fade by the end of the event cause I suck and I am a coward. Unless of course I submit to servitude to the lord of pyres. (not those words exactly, but I would like to take this moment to praise dave inkpen for looking at my background and knowing EXACTLY what words would cut Ragnar the deepest. AWESOME AWESOME job) Ragnar wanted to go through himself off a cliff after that encounter lol.

So Ragnar freaked out all the way through friday night and into saturday because he was going to trade his life for his sisters. He was a mess (fun to play and it took my mind off other things) but there was a let down when I finally worked up the courage to talk to the lord of pyers. I told him he had something I wanted and I was willing to barter with him. He had NO idea what I was talking about. kind of a let down..

But, I role played with some new players. A high borne whos name I can not remember (damn you brain!) She wore red and had two swords and was a BLAST to play with. And there was also a new Shiven in town named Denari (sp?)

I remembered how miserable I was without a company so I went and offered Denari to run with Grums company for a while. She was a total blast to play with as well. Although my attempts to steal her away from the guardians of dream seemed to have failed. But I can't blame her, I think her character is engaged to one of them anyway.. :p

anyway, so after a pretty big let down I was going to go to bed when I had a "premonition"I should stay awake so I did. And I totally enjoyed it. (In fact what happened next deserves its own post that will come next) I will say it was so cool that afterward I went to bed and would awake about an hour later freezing and unable to get warm. to tired to notice water had come up through my tent and I was sleeping on cold wet blankets soaked completely through. and Even when I woke up sick, I didn't care. it was that good.

The Sunday battle was a blast. and Charlie and I went out to dinner with staff and some players afterword. that was REALLY cool. I got to know some people OOG which was cool. The little group around me I really enjoyed, one in particular I really clicked with which was cool since I tend to be shy at first ;) Although the drive home was hard. Charlie was great and drove pretty much all of it. I tried to drive but I was sick and not able to keep awake so he took back over.

Anyway. You win madrigal. I will continue to be a loyal player (although leave for me is about to become VERY hard to get...) but that is where I am.

FAQ #2

2008-10-23T15:45:29Z

:)

-Yes I am coming to madrigal. I am not sure I am up for playing yet so I am gonna start out as ragnar, but don't be surprised if he disappears and a new NPC shows up. (A fast runny bitch type mwa-ha-ha)

-No I don't need somewhere to stay. Emily and I get along amazingly well, and likely she will end up moving across the hall to one of the spare bedrooms. But thank you so much to everyone who offered.

-Yes I know you think that won't work and it is awkward. But we are not getting divorced because we don't love each other. And we are not getting divorced cause we don't get along. We are amazing together. But I want a family and she can't do that with her career. We decided to go our separate ways before bitterness came. (She even offered to wing man for me)

-No I am not an alcoholic. They go to meetings.

-I can not answer the question "Are you ok" cause I dont know. I won't lie, It hurts a lot. But I did see this coming. I have gone weeks without seeing her, and we hardly ever get to spend time together. It was my decision. But that does not make it hurt less. I still love her, and she still loves me but our lives just don't work together. It was the right thing, but yeh. it hurts.. a lot.

FAQ's

2008-10-23T13:00:50Z

-Emily and I were married over 4 years. Dated two years before that

-Yes we are still close and friendly.

-No I am not sure what the living situation will be like.

-Yes I am going to start dating again right away.

-It happened because we could not have a "family" mostly cause of her career.

I think that covers most of the questions people have been asking.

News..

2008-10-21T19:05:44Z

Its official.. I'm single.

Don't know if this changes anything about this weekend yet.. We will see.

Social Steve?

2008-10-19T14:00:55Z

So yesterday was one of the best days I have had in some time. I was supposed to play in a hockey game and go to the caps game and then go out and party with my friend Rebeca. It did not go exactly the way I thought it would, but it worked out really well.

I played in my hockey game, which we won 8-1 I had two goals and four assists. When our captain set lines he apologized to me for putting me with the two weakest wings. But despite playing with two guys who are a little slower, we still put up seven of the eight goals. (I did not factor in one on the score sheet) So we finish the game and crack open a few beers as we are laughing and celebrating our win. About three beers in, I notice that the team playing next only has one guy on the ice. So I find another and ask if they are short. (which they are) The guy hands me a jersey and I get dressed again after playing a game and having three beers.

So I ask what level this team is. He tells me that it the highest level at the rink.

side note: I have played hockey for a little over 4 years. The guys in the highest level all grew up in hockey areas and have played since they were kids. some of which have played more years then I have been alive. Three guys on my team played in the ECHL and told a story of when they played against the Richmond renegades..

So I gripped my stick a little tightly and skated to the bench just hoping to not embarrass myself. So the game starts and I go full speed. I work hard every shift. Chase every loose puck, fore check like a maniac. I make conservative plays but play smart and work hard. I find a guy in the middle and set him up with a pass... goal! I have an assist. I am happy! Then later that period I find my way to the middle of the slot and One of the players finds me with a pass which I deposit behind the goalie! All I could think of was don't look excited. Look like you have been here before! I ended the game with one more assist, and for a guy who had played a full game and had three beers I put up three points in a 7-4 win. I was thrilled.

So during my second "beers after game" session I joked with their captain. "Thanks fellas, I know I have a two way contract so I likely won't be back" (hockey lingo, basically minor league player that can come up and play on the big club and go back to his minor club without getting picked up by another team) He laughed and then went and got a pen. He wrote down my name number and email. He said he was going to try and get me to sub the rest of the season and ask me to join next season.

EGO.. Soaring!

So I went home and showered, dressed up REAL nice for the parties. And I headed out to meet my friend Rebeca. We went to the first party which was in the "party room" at a condo in Ballston. there were like fifty people there. (I have spent the last few Friday and Saturday nights at home alone) So getting out into this setting was amazing. There was music a TON of beautiful women. Which, getting to flirt some was doing wonders for my already soaring ego! And it is fun meeting new people cause I can retell some of my tired stories and they are new and funny lol.

Although one girl found out I was a fireman, and she owns a restaurant in Silver Spring Maryland so she started asking me a MILLION questions about every possible situation that could arise in her restaurant. it felt like a promotional test, but she was cute so I did not mind! And in an amazing coincidence I ran into some friends from the Primal gym there which was AWESOME!

At midnight we skipped out on that party and went to a house party about 10 minutes away. There was dancing and alcohol and it was better then any club i can remember going to. I was having an amazing time, but between the two hockey games and the beers during hockey and at the party I needed to get home sober and awake. So I did not get to stay as long as I would have liked.

When I got home I was lying in bed with a huge smile on my face. I have been invited to four different Halloween parties, and several things from the primal gym. My social calendar is filling up and I love it!

Game.

2008-10-16T12:04:41Z

Galen had this up on his LJ. I responded to it, and my response was so stupid I could not stop laughing at the image. So I thought I would share the game and my response and see if people wanted to play with me.

If you read this, if your eyes are passing over this right now,(even if we don't speak often or ever) please post a comment with a COMPLETELY MADE UP AND FICTIONAL memory of you and me.

It can be anything you want - good or bad - BUT IT HAS TO BE FAKE.

When you're finished, post this little paragraph in your LJ and see what your friends come up with.

(here was my response)

The party was boring. The guests were restless. There was no alcohol in sight. That was when you and I activated our wonder twin powers and took on the power of early 80's child rappers "kriss kross"

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5J5titd0Kbw

With our fresh faced rap stylings we rocked the crowd. I had never worn my clothing backwards before but there was a freedom to it that can not be expressed in words.

We bounced around the stage "spitting out lyrics" making the crowd Jump.. jump.

The day was saved! The crowd carried us around on their shoulders. We were... heroes.

The other side.

2008-10-14T12:35:22Z

So something occurred to me yesterday. I tend to come on here and post about the awful things I see at work. (or what I consider the funny) But There is so much more that goes on at my job. I spend 1/3 of my life at the fire station. We run anywhere from 5-15 calls a day usually. Most of the calls seem almost "routine" to me and I tend not to post them because I don't know that they are "post worthy" Hell, most days I come home in the morning and I couldn't even recount all of the calls from the previous day. But yesterday I ran a really happy call, and that got me to go back to our log book and write down all of our calls. I just thought I would share the other part of the picture of my work.

- 28 yr old male crashed his bicycle into a parked car. deformity to his arm, minor cuts and bruises. Smells of ETOH (drunk) cited by police for operating a vehicle drunk. (yep in VA you can not bicycle drunk)

- 7 yr old girl with asthma attack at school. (No nikki.. not "that" kind of asthma lol) Moderate wheezing, gave her a nebulizer treatment which cleared her up and sent her home with mom.

- 47 yr old female, Car wreck. One car rear ends another. Two patients complaining of neck and back pain. I climb in through the window to sit behind the passenger. I have to sit in a child safety seat so I can hold Cervical spine stabilization and talk to her calming her down until I have the help to safely get her out of the car. Second patient went with other unit.

- 32 yr old male motorcycle wreck. Two riding side by side. car came into their lane, they swerve. one guy clips the others leg breaking it.

- 42 yr old male chest pain trouble breathing. Our ECG showed he was having an ischemic event in his heart (The heart is suffocating but not dying yet. it is the beginning of a heart attack.) We gave him Nitro, Morphine, and asprin. That helped, but he still went to a cath lab.

- 55 yr old female (looked 70) abdominal pain. Vitals were fine so she got a ride to the ER

- 2 yr old boy. Febrile seizure. Mom did not really speak English so we could not explain this was natural for the body to fight a fever at that age. So we took the little guy to the ER.

- (this one was SOO interesting to me.. I am going to go into a little more detail)

We get called to a gun range. 56 year old man accidentally shot by his 12 year old son. I have been to that range twice. both times were suicides that did not require my services if you follow.. But this was different. my patient had been shot in the foot by accident. The kid was holding a 22 caliber pistol. The patient was ok, his toe was broken, and it looked like his toe was hit with a hammer but nothing serious.

-I am not a gun guy. I don't know much about guns.. but this is amazing to me-

The bullet was lodged in the shoe. A BULLET DID NOT GO THROUGH THE SHOE. Just a mesh sneaker! Why would you have a gun that weak? I think I can throw a bullet harder lol!

(anyway sorry for that rant)

- 48 yr old male asleep on a bench. We were called by a someone who drove by who thought he might be dead. he was asleep..

- 14 yr old male concussion. Playing soccer, bonked heads with another kid.

-77 yr old male. Shortness of breath. He had CHF (congestive heart failure) Treated with lasix and nitro and a CPAP machine (continuous positive pressure.. it opens the lungs and forces the fluid out)

(and this one I saved for last cause it is the happy one)

- 28 yr old female.. 9 months pregnant. Gave birth to a little girl at 11:13 pm on October 13th. I delivered her, she was struggling to breathe so i suctioned out her mouth and nose and then rubbed her foot to stimulate her (as you do with babies) she perked right up and gave a good healthy cry. Her vitals were great and I cleaned her up and got a blanket around her. Cut the umbilical cord and gave her to mom. Mom asked what my name was :) I told her "Stephen" she smiled and nodded.
(by the way, no one likes the sound of a baby crying.. but when the baby comes out not crying and then you get a cry.. it is an angelic sound :) )

So yah, Death, carnage, fear, sorrow.. part of my job. But that may be a more accurate picture of my day to day life at work. :) hope you enjoyed.

What a day..

2008-10-12T15:11:56Z

So Friday was my first day back to work in about two weeks. There is a certain "groove" You get into work that encompasses, sleep schedule, eating schedule, and just running calls. I was eager to get back into my groove, but I hoped to ease into it. No such luck lol.

617 am dispatch for a 57 yr old male with trouble breathing. He met us at the ambulance and climbed in. he was 330lbs. This is an ACTUAL conversation we had while I was getting vitals.

Steve: Sir your blood pressure is through the roof. Do you have a history of blood pressure issues?

Patient: What is it?

Steve: it is 208/142

Patient Is that bad.

Steve: Yes.. yes it is, but I can fix it. What sort of medical history do you have?

Patient: Quadruple bypass surgery and twelve heart attacks.

Steve...

Steve...

Steve... Im sorry, I thought you said you had 12 heart attacks.

Patient: That is correct.

Steve: Ok, What medicines do you take?

Patient: I don't take any.

Steve: Sir.. you have had 12 heart attacks. How is it you don't take any meds?

Patient: Well it is such a pain in the ass. First you have to go to a doctor. THEN you have have medicine prescribed. THEN you have to go to the store and have the prescription filled. THEN you have to wait while they fill it. THEN you have to TAKE the meds every day, and repeat the whole process when the meds are done..

(at this point I feel a little hypocritical because I don't always take care of my body like I should. but wow. just wow..)

So we cleared that call and we went back to set up for our yearly open house. This is where the public can come into our fire station and get tours and interact with us in a non emergency setting and we have food and prizes and stuff.

There is an officer on my medic unit. But make no mistake. It is my medic unit. I clean it. I stock it. I operate it. I take pride in it. And 6 hours of kids climbing into my unit with powered donuts and pizza slices touching EVERYTHING with their grubby little paws just about drove me insane. I spent hours cleaning it when they were done. Plus I kept it as clean as I could during cause we were in service during this event. I kinda have to laugh, but it was driving me crazy.

After open house wrapped up we were dispatched for a call. This one I can't talk about. I wish I could. In November it will be 8 years of EMS for me. In that time 1/3 of my life has been spent at the fire station. In 8 years I have acquired a certain amount of been-there-done-that. For the most part things don't bother me anymore. Blood, carnage, death. I have seen enough that I am not really phased by it. But this job still occasionally finds a way to do something that makes me want to go to a church and demand answers. God.. Why would you do this to someone? If you are real.. You are a pretty fucked up individual you know that? That was one of those calls.

I came back from that and turned on the caps game. I put on my head phones and lifted weights to try and forget my demons. Around 10pm I went to bed and stared at the ceiling. At 1217 we got dispatched for another call.

This lady was 55 and in a nursing home. She had 11 pill bottles and told us she was nervous because she did not know which pills to take tonight. Well, No worries, Pill bottles are labeled. We can figure this out.

So we sorted all her medicine (trying to adjust our eyes to light and read really little labels.) After a little while we got everything sorted and we began to get her pills for her to take.. Yeh... that would be too easy. The first bottle had about 7 different looking pills in it. She said she may have spilled her pills. We started opening other bottles to find that no bottle matched the pills that should be in it. This leaves me in a weird place...

What do I do for this patient? I can't give her her pills because if I guess wrong it could kill her. I can't advise her to not take her pills either, that could be catastrophic. The emergency room will be no better for her. They won't know what meds she is supposed to be taking. (and no this is not CSI they can't just draw blood and know 10 minutes later) I called her at home nurse at what was now 1240 am to no answer. I left a message. I take her vitals again. They are all fine, except a little elevated as she is nervous and scared.

What the FUCK do I do? I I have 11 different pills and 11 different bottles and no idea which go to which. I have a lady who is afraid and has called me to help her. I can't help her. The ER can't help her. I feel like shit leaving her. and honestly part of my mind is still on the former call which is ripping a hole in my stomach.

(Most of you know me as Ragnar, who is an emotionally challenged individual. You will likely never see me at work, but when I am on an EMS call I am as far from that as possible. I am confident to the point of arrogance, because really, that is what a terrified patient needs to see. As far as my patient is concerned I have seen EVERYTHING. If I plane falls out of the sky and crashes... it is the third I have handled this week.)

But I couldn't be that guy here. I had NO answers. So.. I copped out. I sat on the bed with the lady and took her hand in my mind. I explained why I just did not know what to do with her meds. I told her I could take her to the ER but what my concerns were there. I laid all the cards on the table and told her she could choose.

In the end she decided to stay in her bed and wait to hear back from her nurse. (who isn't scheduled until Monday) I explained the ER could at least help if something went wrong tonight, (even though I don't think anything will) but she wanted nothing to do with the hospital. SO I packed up my things and left. I will never know what happened to that lady. Did her nurse come over Sunday morning and straighten her out? did she die that night in bed?

I paced the station for a few hours and then tried in vein to sleep. I got back up around 330 and watched crappy late night TV until my relief came in. So now I am home. Emily has gone to North Carolina. All of my friends are playing a larp I don't play in today.

But fortunately I have plans. There is a Parkour "Jam" at great falls. It is half workout half messing around. Then we are going to cook out and hang out. I am very excited to not be alone today.

ugh..

2008-10-11T09:14:30Z

It is 512 am. Last night I had the pleasure of learning I would not be able to make the caps home opener tonight. (which may be fine seeing as how they embarrassed themselves in Atlanta.) And that Emily who just got home from being out of town all week will be leaving for North Carolina on Sunday. (I work today so I won't really get to see her)

I am tired and today is our open house which means we have a ton of set up this morning so citizens can wander through our fire station all day.

I am somehow upbeat despite all this crap, but if you want to drop me some good news that would definitely help!

:)

frusterated

2008-10-10T20:45:10Z

So I was cleared by the Doc today to return to full duty tomorrow. So I decided to celebrate by perusing an old goal of mine.

In high school, there was a requirement to make the team. 2 miles. 12 minutes. I have never been able to do that and it bothers me to this day. So I am working on that goal once again.

Today was 1402. so.. long way to go.

burkefireguy11

huh..

Cause I am sick :p

hell week is upon me..

*snap*

urgle.

Lessons learned from stupid people steve sees at work..

A little shaken..

curious

Are you kidding?

stuff

What a day..

So excited

I met a girl..

"You damn right."

Amber lee..

Madrigal

FAQ #2

FAQ's

News..

Social Steve?

Game.

The other side.

What a day..

ugh..

frusterated

snap